The Heart's Journey: Navigating the Tension in the Season of Singleness

Singleness.

Probably a topic that I have never publicly shared about, other than responding to well-meaning questions as to why I am still single. To which I usually respond with humor, “I am asking myself the same question too!”. I suppose it is less common in our culture for women in their mid- 30s who are still very much single.

“You’re probably too choosy.”

“Don’t worry, he’s coming! Just trust God!”

“The best is yet to come!”

To be transparent, at one point in time, I thought that I would be married by 28 years old. In fact, I was in a four-year relationship that was headed in that direction. However, life has proven otherwise, and a decade later, I find myself sitting in my living room, pondering deeply about this confronting reality.

I recall back in BSSM, we had a whole week of the “sex talk” in school. During one particular session, as I saw my classmates weeping in response to a call for repentance and healing over ungodly sexual relationships, I sat there wondering (semi-self-pitying, to be honest), “Gosh, I really don’t know if I will ever even experience what sex is.”

Gone are the years when I would see my peers get married. I’ve moved on to a phase in life where I see posts on social media of them having their second or even third baby. The trap of comparison or "whats-wrong-with-me" is constantly trying to woo me into it. Once tangled in its deadly web, I know it is really hard to wiggle myself out of it. Is getting married and having kids truly a marker of progress or success in our lives?

Don’t get me wrong. I am truly living in one of the best times of my life in many ways. I have totally changed my career path to helping many people heal from their brokenness. It’s been a joy to see God so lovingly and creatively bring redemption to each of my clients’ stories. The doors to churches and corporates are finally opening. I am glad that I am able to dream bigger, outside of a married life. I do love my life right now. But just because I love my life, it does not diminish the desire for a partner—someone to laugh with, someone to hold me when I cry, someone to bounce thoughts off and pursue God-dreams with. However, I do need to fight off the narrative of again well- meaning comments like "You will only be complete with a husband" or "You can only achieve your God-destiny with someone by your side". A pretty much unproven theory, in my humble opinion.

I do have lingering questions.

Will I ever have someone to love, cherish, and to vow “till death do us part?”

Will I ever hold my own baby in my arms?

What does coming into acceptance mean?

Yet the One who holds my heart and my future knows it all. The Creator who created 6 billion people in the world—I am quite confident He had someone in mind when He created me. It just not part of the nature of a good Father to withhold good things from His children. Till then, life and dreams do not take a pause. In the midst of the tension of believing in what’s to come versus accepting what hasn’t or might not come, we have permission to fully live with our desires being met by God and lovely friends. There is joy in the surrender. There is beauty in the waiting and the now. So ladies, if you are single like me, lets be dreamers and doers of the dreams. The world is an ocean, vast and full of endless possibilities. Let our good Father strip off any beliefs that we are limited just because we are single women. Lets be courageous and go on adventures, travel the world, start a business, preach the Gospel, go change the world!

God is faithful and true. And I say this with the fullest conviction, "His timing is perfect". Keep your hope on!

"Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination!" (Eph 3:20)